I hate the idea of conformity. The idea that I must adopt attitudes, emulate popular personalities and borrow my opinions from social trends- all in effort to remain predictable, consistent and liked. I see no reason to risk my autonomy by blending into someone’s idea of a well-behaved sheep.
I loved him because he made me feel beautiful on the inside.
You see I’m not. I’m not very beautiful on the inside.
But he was.
And I learned from him.
And I became more beautiful.
The worst thing about loving someone is having to stop when you realise that nothing will ever make that love enough. No tireless effort will change the reality that your words can’t morph into sounds they want to hear. No rationalisations they give you will reveal a new chapter of adoration. So you search your mind and rattle your memory in some hope that all the cracks and dents are fixable if you just take some time to find their origin. And when you do, you plant seeds in them and pray for rain. But the rain never comes and your tears aren’t enough to bear fruit. So you have to accept it. You have to live with your differences and change the pattern of your love.
“Friends?” they say.
“Friends.” You respond.
When you become aware of the time wasted arguing with boys, you learn the value of conversing with men.
My views on the Anti-Homosexuality Act that was recently passed in Uganda. If you like the video please share it :-) If you haven’t heard about this Act, please look it up- it’s worth your time and opinions.
Occasionally, I wonder why it is I believe in God. Often it is my resolve that I would see no point in existing if I lived by a belief that humanity is the highest point of authority. I then close my eyes and scare myself at the thought and possible look of a Godless world- where man and beast have been equalised and let loose at each other. When my eyes finally open, I cannot ignore the realisation that for some of us this is truth. Sometimes man is beast.
Being African, outside of Africa I always felt an implied obligation to defend her against the stereotypes; the poverty; the corruption; the weak institutions; the inequality; the bribery; the tribalism; the ignorance; the brokenness; the struggle; the poaching; the economic divide; the blatant disregard for the law; the inhumanity; the oppression; the sub par quality of education; the danger; the loss of hope; the loss of life. But being an African in Africa for the first time in many years, I realise now I have no defence. I wake up and look out and my first thought everyday is- surely if God knew of this He would have done something. Surely if He saw the suffering, He would end it. I wonder, has God forgotten about Africa or has he chosen to abandon her? Did we do something so despicable or unconscionable to deserve the lives we lead; to be regarded the way we are? Did we not fight hard enough to stop our own colonisation, division, pillaging and enslavement? Did we not suffer enough fighting for our freedom? Where was God then and where is He now?
In Kenya alone you can buy a judge, bribe a policeman, massacre your own without so much as a slap on the wrist and still call yourself a leader. Are these not acts of the uncivilised, selfish, greedy and oppressive? Is this not the work of the beast? If so, where does this leave man? More importantly, where do we seek God?
Today I feel beautiful.
Not because somebody told me that I am.
I may not necessarily be worthy of this feeling,
And I certainly don’t think I’m better than anyone else.
But I feel beautiful.
I’ve decided that’s okay.
I hope you all feel beautiful, whether someone tells you so or not, because you are and you ought to know it!