I fake smile a lot. Lately, often, I’m dying inside, but I detest the scent of spectators so I have to hide the emotional bruising and the anger; the pain and the feelings of inadequacy. It seems the only time I confront myself and all I’m feeling is when I’m completely alone- disconnected from the world in every way I can manage. I feel like I don’t believe in happiness anymore. It’s become a fairytale I’m tired of hearing; a burden of lies my mind has grown to reject. I position myself in front of a mirror. I smile. I can’t cheat the cheater.
So I challenged myself to not smile. To look straight at the camera and feel as I felt and look as I looked.
I am what I am however broken I am; sometimes that is all I can find the energy to be and unfortunately, sometimes, this has to be enough.