Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

“Don’t be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he’s not going anywhere.” – Steve Harvey

These past few months I’ve been writing a lot about heartbreak. You see I got my heart broken by someone I loved deeply and somehow unloving him has been the biggest challenge I’ve faced in my personal life lately. He is the 2nd man I have dated but the 1st I have ever been in love with, so understandably there will be scarring on my heart that will take some time to clear.

I’ve never been the kind of girl that NEEDS to be in a relationship; I don’t feel a sense of emptiness when I’m not dating and there is nothing I despise more than serial dating. Which is coincidentally what he has gone and done. This I have to say is what really broke my heart. Now I get it, men and women are different. Some men heal by moving on to the next one and some women (me included) heal by dealing with the hurt, grieving the loss and making peace with what can be no more. Knowledge of this doesn’t take away the pain any faster, so I did what I thought I would NEVER do- I read “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. A relationship book– oh the shame!act like a lady

I found a lot of it more applicable to older women (I’m in my early twenties), who have had children and past marriages, but what I found helpful was how direct Steve Harvey was in explaining the actions of men and the simplicity that is the male mind. The best advice I took however is what I have chosen to quote above. I wouldn’t go as far as to say he didn’t love me, but I understand that my fear of letting him go will hurt ONLY me. Clearly he has moved on, he is with someone he could possibly grow to love much more than what he could me, and rather than be chewed up by my bitterness, I have to accept that this is a choice he has made. That said, I personally cannot serial date in effort to move on because it just isn’t how I’m wired. I believe people who do so end up carrying baggage from one relationship to the next; which I fear is what played a role, however minor, in the demise of ours. Furthermore, I’ve always believed that if I give my heart away too many times, by the time the right one comes along he will only get what’s left of me, not all I would want to give.

I guess what I am trying to say is, tears and a broken heart mean I actually cared, so I refuse to be ashamed of them or try to bandage them up in something new and shallow. However, time will heal these wounds. Until then I get to focus on being the best possible version me that I can be because I know that the right man will be deserving of nothing less.

I can definitely say having read the book that I do feel a stronger sense of acceptance. It’s over. He’s moved on. I’m single.

And you know what, I think this is ok.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

  1. Though I can certainly see why many people (including Steve Harvey) might see men and women as thinking differently about relationships, I also think it’s too easy to over-generalize. The last time my heart was broken I struggled in much the same way as you. I didn’t go on to another woman and I didn’t even want to. I know I’m a little different (okay a lot different), but I also know if I’m this way there must be many other similar men. Everyone is a little different, and everyone is much the same. That’s my opinion. Good luck with moving on.

    • Kay

      I agree, it is far too easy to over-generalize, but I think it’s easier on my broken heart to hope that this is a flaw in all men and not so much in him. Hopefully time will heal the wounds and when I have healed, then it will be easier to see men as individuals again rather than copies. Thanks, for taking the time to comment 🙂

  2. Michael

    Heartbreaks are hard to deal with, no matter what, there is no one way that women are predisposed to behave during a breakup and no other way that men will. It’s an individual thing, I have a friend who seemingly never seems to feel a thing leaving one woman for another, whilst I struggle even with the thoughts of a one night stand.
    There’s a theory out there that losing someone you love is akin to losing a spouse, parent or sibling (by death). So if you can’t get over the death of your mum/dad or sibling in a week, two months or a year, then there is no way a break up should take any less time than that.
    The key to breaking up is time. That’s simply it, the longer you’re removed from it, the better off you will be mentally and the less “baggage” will you have to carry into the next.

    • K

      I learned the truth in that- time did heal my wounds when it came to him and it also made me appreciate the decisions i’ve made. But you’re right, sadly there is no one way to heal 😦

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